Friday, 7 September 2012

Back from the blogging dead

Hello everyone!! Yes, I am still alive!! So much has happened since the last time I wrote in this blog... The main one being that just over a week after my last post, my step father passed away. For a long time he'd had problems with alcohol. Mum skyped me and apparently he went to the hospital with alcohol related illness and the doc said if he had one more drink he'd die. Which he did. That was the single most devastating thing to happen to me this year. I wandered around the flat for two days in my pjs, just about remembering to eat. The problem was, he was an alcoholic and we had lost touch because of it. He used to email me on my birthday, but the last couple of years he didnt, so I figured he'd sunk so far down that everyone that ever mattered to him was forgotten, buried under a drunk fog... It was really sad, cos my dad was a smart man when he wasn't drinking, so it was such a waste. I was furious for a long time, some days I still get mad at him, and when no one is about I talk to him and I say 'why? Why did you have to go and do that?' He was the one that taught me to ride a bike and took the stabilisers off before I was ready. He taught me how to cook, that's the best thing he left me, the technique for his roast potatoes. He taught me the birds and the bees and about boys, and how not to do dumb stuff on a night out. He taught me that it didnt matter if I wore the latest clothes/shoes/makeup, as long as I had self belief I could be pretty much anything and go pretty much anywhere. He gave me confidence to always be myself and stop worrying about what others thought of me. He taught me honesty, cos telling a lie when I was a kid meant a smacked bum!! He could fix anything, make pretty much any dish you wanted. When I was a kid I always had a birthday tea, and it didn't matter what the main course was, dessert was always strawberries and cream. I didn't talk to my mum for a few days afterwards, not cos I blamed her, but because grief is a lonely place, and even if two people are grieving for the same person, you can't go there together, it's an individual experience. Mr A got me through it, not by fussing, but just acting normal. Fathers day was difficult, so will Christmas be (well, it always is cos I'm here and my family are somewhere else, I love mr AB's mum and dad to pieces but it's not the same), then it'll be his birthday and the one year anniversary, after that I might get my bubble back. I'm still me, but as I said to a friend a couple of months back, something in me broke when he died, and I am not quite the same. I'm not as quick to laugh at a joke, I'm a little quieter, more reflective. I think maybe I will never be the same again. In other news, I have finally managed to change jobs!! Where I'm working now is just not suiting me, so I'm going back into nursing care with the elderly. It's what I'm truly good at, and I've discovered I miss it. I've also been working in the pub, which might seem strange given what happened to my dad, but I've enjoyed it. Other drunk people don't particularly bother me, seeing it so much growing up I think I'm immune to it!! I've enjoyed being part time the last few months but now I'm ready to get back in the saddle. I haven't cross stitched for a very long time, haven't felt the urge. I am toying with the idea of getting back into my knitting though, if I do I'll start with something small like a hat! Or maybe knit myself a scarf for winter haha!! Mr A and I have lived together for 18 months, and considering I was worried it'd all go wrong we couldn't be happier! I am currently not much use as I appear to have done my back in again!!! We are currently saving for the wedding/house (well he is unti I start my new job)!! I will try and post regularly again, it all depends if something interesting happens In my life lol

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Hello again all!! I am writing this a whole year older. My birthday was on Sunday, and I had an awesome weekend!! I would have had pics taken but my camera died :( so now I have to save up to buy a new one. It started on friday, Mr A bought me a cup of coffee in bed (how awesome is he?) he knows i'm evil without coffee Then I went to a salon in town to get my hair and my nails done, paid for by Mr A. I can't quite remember what we did friday night, I think because there must have been some alcohol involved in there, and on saturday, and sunday night. I had to work sunday daytime and I swear, the hands on that clock were so slow they were going backwards!! I got home to chocs and flowers and pressies!! Then we went to the pub for the evening, and I got very drunk. Oops. Luckily though I didn't have a hangover the next day, so I guess I'm not old just yet!! I'm off for this week, haven't been doing any stitching because I haven't felt like it, stitchy bug is on holiday. I've been catching up on TV shows. Currently Mr A and I are watching 'An American Horror Story' and season 2 of 'Game of Thrones' which is really good, except they have waay too many characters in it so it's hard to keep up with who's doing what where!! Tomorrow night we are going to wolverhampton to see Dara o Briain, can't wait!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

'computer says no'

Note to self: do not try to do anything remotely 'brainy' when fuelled by crazy woman hormones!! I started my IT assessment today for word processing and it all went really well for the first hour or so. Then it asked me to do something that wasn't fully covered in the course notes and it all went totally kaput. Cue me cursing at my computer and threatening to throw it out of the window. Had another bash after tea and still couldn't figure it out, so I've emailed my course tutor to try and get some pointers. I bet it's really simple, but when my brain is like this I really should just stick to soap operas! I've been quite busy today so I haven't managed to pick up any stitching. I'm wishing I'd left just a little more space around the edges, because I'm having to take it out of the frame to work on the outside of the design. Today was my shift in the pub, it didn't get off to the greatest start because I forgot my coffee, the fire wouldn't light and I was late opening up. See first reason for why everything went wrong. Then someone came in who I hadn't seen before, to be honest he looked as though he'd poured his beer on his breakfast but if he's got money who am I to refuse him service? He kept on drinking, and trying to chat me up, and generally making me feel quite uncomfy. I soon found out that he was a barred customer and shouldn't have been in. So I got to throw him out, result!! (not literally throw obviusly) it did feel good though. After that the rest of the day was lovely!! Back at work tomorrow, really not looking forward to it, I just hope it's uneventful and passes quickly!!

Monday, 30 April 2012

And breathe...

Well, it's been a while since I posted on my blog, I figured I'd better get my fingers waggling and write something! Since my last update a lot has happened. Work got extremely crazy for about a fortnight, even more than I ever thought possible. Where to begin? We had an extremely challenging resident who basically had the house in lockdown for a week. She attacked me on two separate occasions. Both times I was unhurt but I have been left very shaken and seriously considering my career options. To that end, I have just started an online IT course. I finished the first unit tonight and hope to commence the assessment tomorrow, fingers crossed I pass it first time. I've also started working in the pub downstairs, I really enjoy that, it's only two days a week but it's something different. There's a vacancy for a new bar/live music venue in the next town so I'm going to apply to that and see what happens. I've also signed up to an employment agency for office work, hopefully something will come out of that for June otherwise things are going to get exceedingly tight from then on!! Some sad news last week, Mr A's dad had to have the dog put to sleep :( Naturally he and Mr A were distraught. I've decided I want to do a cross stitch portrait of the dog and get it framed as a birthday gift for his dad. My camera has also decided to pack up on me, but as its my birthday very soon I hope to get a new one. I've managed to do a little bit more on frog choruses but I'm unable to post an updated pic grr!! I am enjoying being part time in spite of the money worries, the rest is doing me good. I know it's time to come out though cos even though I'm only there two days a week I'm still not enjoying it. I am working tomorrow in the pub and then the evening belongs to me!!

Friday, 6 April 2012

Price tag?

Well, I got my payrise. I still have to lead shifts, which I'm calling a compromise because I'm only going to be there two days per week. At least finally I am getting paid for the responsibility I hold!! My boss said there's a senior position going, she basically told me that she'd be interviewing formally, but that if I applied the job was mine. I put my foot down and told her exactly where I stand, the whole reason for me going part time is because I want less responsibility. She said I could always go full time if I wanted and I still said no! It irritates me when people think that because I play nice I'll always roll over. Not when the issue at hand affects my health, mental well being and my relationships I won't. Job and career is all very well until you end up a lonely old lady wondering what happened to your life. I thanked her for her kind offer but told her that I would be declining. She asked me to sleep on it, which I have. I still haven't changed my mind. Hoping to do some stitching this afternoon!!

Thursday, 5 April 2012


I woke up this morning feeling very sad. I'm not one for wallowing in misery or feeling depressed, ask anyone that knows me well and they'd probably say I was almost always smiling. I just feel very fed up today, and most of it is to do with work. If I was smarter I'd have took this last two weeks as holiday!! Can't wait for it all to just end so I only have to go in a couple of days a week. We should hear about pay rises today, I've got a feeling they are going to say no though, also need to lay it down to my boss again that I don't want to be in a position of seniority. I was late again last night, and because I'm slightly (very) skint I walked home, I got in the door to Mr A wagging his finger at me, he said I should've rung him, I couldn't justify a taxi for a ten minute walk down the hill. I really hope I get away on time tonight. I am off tomorrow, I am going to help downstairs in the pub, which I'm looking forward to, I think its going to be busy though. Mr A is off too cos it's a bank holiday, he says he's coming down for a pint :) I don't know what's plannned for the rest of the day, he said he's going to pay for me to get my hair done which will be nice, it's a mess!! Then I'm back at work for five days solid :(

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Carrot and donkey...hmph.

Well, I spoke to my boss. She wasn't surprised I wanted to quit with how hectic things are at work just now, she asked me to consider working part time instead. I've accepted her offer because it means I still have some money coming in but I won't be there every single day and there's a chance for me to get some of my life back. The only drawback is, she wants me to continue on in my role even though I am part time. I've explained the reasons why, and that the role I have now is the main reason for me dropping my hours, but she isn't getting it. I guess if it's only 2 days per week it's not a huge issue and I'll just have to learn to delegate to other people, although not everyone will like it. Plus it goes against my principle of not being in a senior role if I am part time, what right do I have to tell full time staff what to do? I will just have to see how it pans out, hopefully I won't have to go back to full time in three months, I'm crossing everything that the agency comes through for me. I should get my new rota finalised tomorrow so I'll have a better idea of what I'm doing when. I have my first shift in th pub tonight, it's more of a training session to see how it goes but I'm calling it a nights work, my shifts proper start towards the end of this month, only 2 days per week but it's better than nothing! Really looking forward to it but nervous at the same time, is it possible to pull a pint wrong?!