Back from the blogging dead

Hello everyone!! Yes, I am still alive!! So much has happened since the last time I wrote in this blog... The main one being that just over a week after my last post, my step father passed away. For a long time he'd had problems with alcohol. Mum skyped me and apparently he went to the hospital with alcohol related illness and the doc said if he had one more drink he'd die. Which he did. That was the single most devastating thing to happen to me this year. I wandered around the flat for two days in my pjs, just about remembering to eat. The problem was, he was an alcoholic and we had lost touch because of it. He used to email me on my birthday, but the last couple of years he didnt, so I figured he'd sunk so far down that everyone that ever mattered to him was forgotten, buried under a drunk fog... It was really sad, cos my dad was a smart man when he wasn't drinking, so it was such a waste. I was furious for a long time, some days I still get mad at him, and when no one is about I talk to him and I say 'why? Why did you have to go and do that?' He was the one that taught me to ride a bike and took the stabilisers off before I was ready. He taught me how to cook, that's the best thing he left me, the technique for his roast potatoes. He taught me the birds and the bees and about boys, and how not to do dumb stuff on a night out. He taught me that it didnt matter if I wore the latest clothes/shoes/makeup, as long as I had self belief I could be pretty much anything and go pretty much anywhere. He gave me confidence to always be myself and stop worrying about what others thought of me. He taught me honesty, cos telling a lie when I was a kid meant a smacked bum!! He could fix anything, make pretty much any dish you wanted. When I was a kid I always had a birthday tea, and it didn't matter what the main course was, dessert was always strawberries and cream. I didn't talk to my mum for a few days afterwards, not cos I blamed her, but because grief is a lonely place, and even if two people are grieving for the same person, you can't go there together, it's an individual experience. Mr A got me through it, not by fussing, but just acting normal. Fathers day was difficult, so will Christmas be (well, it always is cos I'm here and my family are somewhere else, I love mr AB's mum and dad to pieces but it's not the same), then it'll be his birthday and the one year anniversary, after that I might get my bubble back. I'm still me, but as I said to a friend a couple of months back, something in me broke when he died, and I am not quite the same. I'm not as quick to laugh at a joke, I'm a little quieter, more reflective. I think maybe I will never be the same again. In other news, I have finally managed to change jobs!! Where I'm working now is just not suiting me, so I'm going back into nursing care with the elderly. It's what I'm truly good at, and I've discovered I miss it. I've also been working in the pub, which might seem strange given what happened to my dad, but I've enjoyed it. Other drunk people don't particularly bother me, seeing it so much growing up I think I'm immune to it!! I've enjoyed being part time the last few months but now I'm ready to get back in the saddle. I haven't cross stitched for a very long time, haven't felt the urge. I am toying with the idea of getting back into my knitting though, if I do I'll start with something small like a hat! Or maybe knit myself a scarf for winter haha!! Mr A and I have lived together for 18 months, and considering I was worried it'd all go wrong we couldn't be happier! I am currently not much use as I appear to have done my back in again!!! We are currently saving for the wedding/house (well he is unti I start my new job)!! I will try and post regularly again, it all depends if something interesting happens In my life lol

Hello again all!! I am writing this a whole year older. My birthday was on Sunday, and I had an awesome weekend!! I would have had pics taken but my camera died :( so now I have to save up to buy a new one. It started on friday, Mr A bought me a cup of coffee in bed (how awesome is he?) he knows i'm evil without coffee Then I went to a salon in town to get my hair and my nails done, paid for by Mr A. I can't quite remember what we did friday night, I think because there must have been some alcohol involved in there, and on saturday, and sunday night. I had to work sunday daytime and I swear, the hands on that clock were so slow they were going backwards!! I got home to chocs and flowers and pressies!! Then we went to the pub for the evening, and I got very drunk. Oops. Luckily though I didn't have a hangover the next day, so I guess I'm not old just yet!! I'm off for this week, haven't been doing any stitching because I haven't felt like it, stitchy bug is on holiday. I've been catching up on TV shows. Currently Mr A and I are watching 'An American Horror Story' and season 2 of 'Game of Thrones' which is really good, except they have waay too many characters in it so it's hard to keep up with who's doing what where!! Tomorrow night we are going to wolverhampton to see Dara o Briain, can't wait!!

'computer says no'

Note to self: do not try to do anything remotely 'brainy' when fuelled by crazy woman hormones!! I started my IT assessment today for word processing and it all went really well for the first hour or so. Then it asked me to do something that wasn't fully covered in the course notes and it all went totally kaput. Cue me cursing at my computer and threatening to throw it out of the window. Had another bash after tea and still couldn't figure it out, so I've emailed my course tutor to try and get some pointers. I bet it's really simple, but when my brain is like this I really should just stick to soap operas! I've been quite busy today so I haven't managed to pick up any stitching. I'm wishing I'd left just a little more space around the edges, because I'm having to take it out of the frame to work on the outside of the design. Today was my shift in the pub, it didn't get off to the greatest start because I forgot my coffee, the fire wouldn't light and I was late opening up. See first reason for why everything went wrong. Then someone came in who I hadn't seen before, to be honest he looked as though he'd poured his beer on his breakfast but if he's got money who am I to refuse him service? He kept on drinking, and trying to chat me up, and generally making me feel quite uncomfy. I soon found out that he was a barred customer and shouldn't have been in. So I got to throw him out, result!! (not literally throw obviusly) it did feel good though. After that the rest of the day was lovely!! Back at work tomorrow, really not looking forward to it, I just hope it's uneventful and passes quickly!!

And breathe...

Well, it's been a while since I posted on my blog, I figured I'd better get my fingers waggling and write something! Since my last update a lot has happened. Work got extremely crazy for about a fortnight, even more than I ever thought possible. Where to begin? We had an extremely challenging resident who basically had the house in lockdown for a week. She attacked me on two separate occasions. Both times I was unhurt but I have been left very shaken and seriously considering my career options. To that end, I have just started an online IT course. I finished the first unit tonight and hope to commence the assessment tomorrow, fingers crossed I pass it first time. I've also started working in the pub downstairs, I really enjoy that, it's only two days a week but it's something different. There's a vacancy for a new bar/live music venue in the next town so I'm going to apply to that and see what happens. I've also signed up to an employment agency for office work, hopefully something will come out of that for June otherwise things are going to get exceedingly tight from then on!! Some sad news last week, Mr A's dad had to have the dog put to sleep :( Naturally he and Mr A were distraught. I've decided I want to do a cross stitch portrait of the dog and get it framed as a birthday gift for his dad. My camera has also decided to pack up on me, but as its my birthday very soon I hope to get a new one. I've managed to do a little bit more on frog choruses but I'm unable to post an updated pic grr!! I am enjoying being part time in spite of the money worries, the rest is doing me good. I know it's time to come out though cos even though I'm only there two days a week I'm still not enjoying it. I am working tomorrow in the pub and then the evening belongs to me!!

Price tag?

Well, I got my payrise. I still have to lead shifts, which I'm calling a compromise because I'm only going to be there two days per week. At least finally I am getting paid for the responsibility I hold!! My boss said there's a senior position going, she basically told me that she'd be interviewing formally, but that if I applied the job was mine. I put my foot down and told her exactly where I stand, the whole reason for me going part time is because I want less responsibility. She said I could always go full time if I wanted and I still said no! It irritates me when people think that because I play nice I'll always roll over. Not when the issue at hand affects my health, mental well being and my relationships I won't. Job and career is all very well until you end up a lonely old lady wondering what happened to your life. I thanked her for her kind offer but told her that I would be declining. She asked me to sleep on it, which I have. I still haven't changed my mind. Hoping to do some stitching this afternoon!!

SNAFU :(

I woke up this morning feeling very sad. I'm not one for wallowing in misery or feeling depressed, ask anyone that knows me well and they'd probably say I was almost always smiling. I just feel very fed up today, and most of it is to do with work. If I was smarter I'd have took this last two weeks as holiday!! Can't wait for it all to just end so I only have to go in a couple of days a week. We should hear about pay rises today, I've got a feeling they are going to say no though, also need to lay it down to my boss again that I don't want to be in a position of seniority. I was late again last night, and because I'm slightly (very) skint I walked home, I got in the door to Mr A wagging his finger at me, he said I should've rung him, I couldn't justify a taxi for a ten minute walk down the hill. I really hope I get away on time tonight. I am off tomorrow, I am going to help downstairs in the pub, which I'm looking forward to, I think its going to be busy though. Mr A is off too cos it's a bank holiday, he says he's coming down for a pint :) I don't know what's plannned for the rest of the day, he said he's going to pay for me to get my hair done which will be nice, it's a mess!! Then I'm back at work for five days solid :(

Carrot and donkey...hmph.

Well, I spoke to my boss. She wasn't surprised I wanted to quit with how hectic things are at work just now, she asked me to consider working part time instead. I've accepted her offer because it means I still have some money coming in but I won't be there every single day and there's a chance for me to get some of my life back. The only drawback is, she wants me to continue on in my role even though I am part time. I've explained the reasons why, and that the role I have now is the main reason for me dropping my hours, but she isn't getting it. I guess if it's only 2 days per week it's not a huge issue and I'll just have to learn to delegate to other people, although not everyone will like it. Plus it goes against my principle of not being in a senior role if I am part time, what right do I have to tell full time staff what to do? I will just have to see how it pans out, hopefully I won't have to go back to full time in three months, I'm crossing everything that the agency comes through for me. I should get my new rota finalised tomorrow so I'll have a better idea of what I'm doing when. I have my first shift in th pub tonight, it's more of a training session to see how it goes but I'm calling it a nights work, my shifts proper start towards the end of this month, only 2 days per week but it's better than nothing! Really looking forward to it but nervous at the same time, is it possible to pull a pint wrong?!

Winging it...

Well, I've finally made up my mind. I've decided that today I am going to quit my job. There are many reasons why, the main one simply being I've had enough. It's gone from the odd bad day to every day me coming home feeling terrible and not wanting to go back. I think when it gets to that point it's time to leave. Naturally I will miss the ladies but when it's time to go there's not much you can do. I've re signed up to the agency, I'm also hoping to get an evening job and work in the pub downstairs, so at least there will be some regularity ( I hope!) unfortunately it means the wedding is on hold for now :( I am hoping to get into something admin based eventually, I've just signed up for a free IT course which is a recognised qualification, takes 16 weeks to complete, but any time I'm not working I will be working on it! Luckily Mr A is supporting me in my decision, he understands how unhappy I've been. I just wish it hadn't come to this :(

stitchy bug came back!!

Managed to do about two hours last night. It's amazing what you can get done when the house is tidy and your head isn't chock full of other worries. I didn't get a whole lot done but it is better than nothing. Got lazy on the backstitch of the frog, so decided to start one of the others, might do backstitching at the end, along with the white for the eyes. Here it is!!

Getting there...

Well, my little cocktail of medicines appears to be kicking in, not quite as out of breath, although a small walk to a couple of local shops and back had me stopping on the way home clinging to a lamp post!! I've got antibiotics too, I went back to the doctors yesterday as I was still feeling very puffed out, so he gave me those to rule out any infection. Those tablets are worse than the ones I took for my back! At least I got two doses of those, this morning I took them before breakfast (bad move) and half hour later I felt seriously queasy. OH has been on them before for something else and he said they might make me feel pukey. I didn't listen though because not everyone has the same reactions to drugs, figured I'd be ok. so tomorrow I'm going to try and make sure I've eaten. I think I'll have to stick to taking them in the morning because I don't think I'd like lying there in the dark feeling sick, that's not nice. Luckily it's only for a few days and they're all gone. Just hope when the chest clears up I won't need the inhaler anymore...bit self conscious about using it in front of people! Decided not to go into work today, think it was the right thing to do, if walking to the local shop does me in, then I'm not ready for work yet. Got tomorrow off and then I'm back in Monday afternoon. Still busily looking for something else, I really can't wait to try something different. I've applied to a place in birmingham where they will train me up on the job, the money is pants but it's better hours. I'm also thinking of shelling out a bit and doing something called an 'ECDL' qualification, apparently it's nationally recognised and uses all the skills office employers look for. Told OH if I haven't found something in three months I quit, and that's that, will just have to wing it, or if i get these courses sorted at least that's on my belt. It could even go on my CV that I'm working towards them. Feeling really bad that I haven't managed to get any stitching done, just not got the bug atm!! too many other things going on.

Well, that was a lil scary

So, went off to the docs and saw the nurse, soon as I walked into her office she was like 'oh!' she checked me over, everything normal, she didn't think it was asthma, although I'm convinced I had it when I was small but mum says no, but maybe she forgot. So there was I, gasping like a landed fish thinking 'just figure it out dammit, I can't breathe!!' So she got the senior doc in, who incidentally is my gp. Told him the tablets he gave me for my back were horrid! He made me do a peak flow test, lung function came out at 68%, he said it looked like asthma aggravated by this cold. Told him it made sense cos every time I get a cold my chest gets bad for 24 hours but this went on for two days. So chances are I've had it for a long time, especially as I've lost count of the number of times people have asked me if I've got asthma! Told him about my raised temps running between 100-103f so he sent me off for a chest x ray to rule out pneumonia, steroids and inhalers was enough of a whammy, chest x ray made it scary!! So, have been sat at home, breathing is a lil better, although I have just been sat here quiet and it's started off again, he said if steroids don't work by tomorrow I have to go back in and they will get x ray results sharpish. He also said if I catch cold to always carry my inhaler!! Yes sir!! Lol

Thankyou to Nicola at http://stitch-nicola.blogspot.co.uk This is my first ever blog award!!! :)) There are conditions attached to this award, so here is the text I copied from Thea with my blogs added to the end: Liebster is a German word meaning favourite, dearest or beloved. The Liebster Blog Award is awarded by bloggers to other new bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers, to help spread the word about their blogs and to help them gain wider recognition. The Liebster award comes with four conditions that each recipient must satisfy when accepting. 1. Choose 5 up-and-coming blogs with less than 200 followers to award the Liebster to. 2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them. 3. Post the award on your blog. List the bloggers you are giving the award to with links to their sites. Leave comments on their blog so they know about the award. 4. Share 5 random facts about yourself that people don't know about you. so now I have to award this to five other people first up is 1.http://joysze.blogspot.co.uk/ your blog is always beautiful to look at and I loved your chinese mandala garden!! 2.http://diaryofamanbroider.blogspot.co.uk/ your stitching is amazing, plus I've never seen anyone stitch so fast in my life. 3.http://mangogirl-naughtscrossstitches.blogspot.co.uk/ Love reading your blog, and your boxers were fabulous. 4.http://kingdomofcrossesqueenofflosses.blogspot.co.uk/ I love to look at your latest projects 5. http://crossstitchdude.blogspot.co.uk/ Your work is fab, it's nice to see more men cross stitching! Five random facts about me... 1. my little fingers are double jointed! 2. I detest anything flavoured with aniseed, liquorice or fennel 3. I tried Cherry Cola the other day and wondered why I didn't like it. It's because it tastes like Dr Pepper 4. my worst nightmare would be getting locked in a room somewhere. with spiders. 5. My dream date night would be chinese and a pint before going to see a concert or a film.

Bleugh :/

Well, I've been off sick since Tuesday, what started as a heavy cold appears to have turned into bronchitis. I have spent the last three nights sat bolt upright in bed, with hardly any sleep. The last two days I've had a temperature regularly running between 100f and 103f, seriously not good! Now I know how a lobster feels when it's cooked!! Thankfully that has come down now, although I am still struggling to eat properly, I might have to stock up on soup today. Rang the docs and she said there were no appointments (why am I not surprised) so she got the triage nurse to ring me back, who almost immediately said I have to come in, so I have an appointment at 11.50 this morning. Spoke to my boss and said I wasn't coming in again, she asked if I had any idea when I'm coming back and I said I've no idea. Being able to sleep and eat would help. In other news, I've had a job offer via email. It's working in finance, no experience necessary, they will train you online and they will pay you to take the course. I have asked for more info, apparently they Re opening an office in Birmingham so I just need to find out where! The money is fantastic, double my current salary! That'd sure help with the wedding planning and sorting out the house.

Mothers day

Today is mothers day. So, to my mum in Florida and my soon-to-be mother in law, happy mothers day!! My mum was never a great one for the day itself, plus now she lives in Florida it falls on a different day. We went out today to get stuff for mr A's mum, she is the hardest person in the world to buy for, it's insane. Shes got a big bouquet of flowers and a card from us both, I feel bad that we didn't get her a gift but yet again we left it til the last minute!! Have to be off to work in a bit, hopefully all will be nice and calm being as its Sunday, and I am off tomorrow! Hopefully I can get up early again and crack on with the housework, I also have to take Grubbs to the vets first thing. Would also like to do some stitching if I can, it's been ages since I picked up my frogs! Probably just as well in a way, have not got any money to buy stash. I didn't realise putting a £100 away a month for the wedding would leave me so skint! And that's without my loan or a big credit card bill to pay off. Although I did put £300 on it to upgrade my computer, that should arrive tomorrow which means I can play LA noire, I'll have to cook something extra nice for Mr A so he will fit everything for me. So I won't be spending for a couple of months until card is cleared again. £100 of it doesn't count, cos it was vets fees that I'm claiming on my pets insurance. Have decided I'm going to start leaving my purse at home, if I haven't got it, I can't spend it!! Just got enough for taxi home tonight, then it's into the overdraft. Really hope the pay is nice at the end of this month, will be better then!

Agh!!

That's how I feel ATM. Stressed out, burned out, and pissed off! (excuse the language). So, anyway, in terms of work, it feels like I've been spun round 360 degrees and now my head is on the wrong way. I went off on a weeks break (much needed and not long enough), and I was defined as one thing, go back and EVERYTHING has changed at once. I knew changes were coming and I knew they'd be fast, but this is something else. My job role has changed. Before, I could run a team of staff and work side by side, dipping in and out to do paperwork.

Now, I run the team from behind a door, suddenly I've got loads of responsibility that I wasn't expecting. Rumour has it that theres going to be more money in it for me.
That's not the only thing though. I regularly don't finish until 10pm, its usually 10.30 before I get in the door (sometimes later if I get held up) and its become very hard to switch off.
Consequently I am driving everyone crazy!
I thought about quitting today, but realised (yet again) like it or not I'm good at what I do. Least now I know how all those superheroes must have felt in the marvel comics! I don't want to be a superhero though...I didn't ask to be good at my job, I try to be average and I want more. I get more and then I get stressed out.
mr A says my job role has changed and I need to get used to it, and I have a feeling he's right, I'll be fine once I've adjusted.
There are a few things I want though, if I'm to formally take these responsibilities. Two days off back to back for one!! ATM I only get one at a time, it's not enough time to recover. It might mean I have to do 7 or 8 days solid but I wouldn't mind that.
A guaranteed weekend off every month, without fail. I haven't had one yet this month, and I feel like I've barely seen mr A.

I did my back in on Monday night, and I was off sick wednesday and thursday, didnt get any stitching done, couldn't get comfy.
I have decided to start sorting my brain out though. Rule one, doing lates is fine, just means if I wanna get the most out of my mornings I need to get up earlier. I've done it on and off for the last week or so and it does help. And I'm not as tired as I thought I would be. Decided its 7am on weekdays and 8am on a Sunday if I'm not working.
I need to get back to my stitching. So often I say I haven't got time. I need to make time! Getting up early should sort that out.
Mr A are trying to plan a wedding but we have no idea how much we want to spend or how we want to do it. I'm for a quiet wedding, but mr A wants to make sure we have a nice day. That's fine, but it doesn't have to cost the earth. The wedding is a formality, it's the after party I'm looking forward to!! Plus it's some time away so it makes it hard to plan. Knowing me I'll buy a dress the night before!!!

Ok, I've had my little rant, now I need to go sleep!

Squee!!! :))

Check it out, I'm getting married!!! Whoopee!!
No date yet, still letting everyone know, so now I have loads to do, on top of working full time plus overtime!
Going to take my time over it, I'm only planning on doing it once and it's got to be bang on, if you know what I mean.

Hoping to get married back end of next year, gives us time to save up and start sorting stuff out.

Frog chorus progress pic

Well, I've managed to do a little bit, the picture I'm going to post is a little out of date, I am halfway through frog no 3, there are 11 of them altogether. I'm really enjoying stitchign this, lots of different motifs on the same subject are keeping me interested. If i manage to finish this I might stitch something similar for my next project.

thanks for looking!

No stitching and a new obsession and a new project.

I say no stitching. I haven't got any stitching done today. This morning mr A and I went shopping, and then I finally managed to get on this game called minecraft which I downloaded yesterday. It always seemed a little bit pointless to me, it's a building game, a bit like the sims, but mr a has been nagging me to try it so I did. It ended up we didn't eat tea until 8pm because I was so engrossed!!

I've made a good start on my new project, it's called 'frog chorus' and I've manage one and a half frogs so far. I'm off til next Sunday so hopefully I can get some good stitching in. I will try and put a pic up tomorrow. I am quite liking the magic aida, it makes the chart much easier to follow!

Almost payday!!

At last, tomorrow is payday. Only trouble is, I'm working until 4pm and its going to be a bit of a mission trying to get to town and then get back again to make dinner!! Might have to be a Chinese takeaway. I expect I will be eating one of three things. Soup and bread and butter, pasta or porridge.
Last week I had all four of my wisdom teeth out and I don't seem to have had the easiest recovery. It seems to be taking a long time. Yesterday I tried to eat a roast chicken dinner and had to quit because my face hurt so much. Its so frustrating not being able to eat what I want. I've been slowly working away on my Margaret sherry penguin. I've discovered I've managed to go wrong again somewhere, but don't know where. So it's not perfect. For my next project I'm going to get some magic aida. It's pre gridded in 10 x 10 squares so you can keep track of your stitching, which increases motivation, and you are less likely to make mistakes in counting. It shouldn't be hard to count but mistakes are very common. When you're done you just put it on a cool wash and the lines wash out but the colours stay true.

Work has just got super busy, two new clients in less than a week so the shifts are all changing!! Good in some ways, not in others. I'm hoping the sleep nights stop pretty soon, I am at the end of my tether with them. I'm done with shift work in general really but until I start my foundation degree I can't really do anything about it.

Plans for today include taking a rattie to the vets (again!) and catching up on tv and doing my stitching. I am not buying more stash until this penguin is finished lol. I don't need charts, I have lots of magazines to inspire me. Not sure whether to do a big design or another small one. I'm thinking small, on,y because I don't get much time to stitch.

Finally picked up my stitching again and one new years resolution.

Hello everyone, sorry for the lack of updates!!
Christmas was totally awesome, it was nice to be able to spend quality time with family and friends. I also tried my first tequila slammer!!
Got completely spoiled, my fave pressies were an engraved tankard, Yankee candles and a new top that mr A bought me.
So now it's January and we are all skint and feeling blue.
I finally got the date for having my wisdom teeth out, it's on the 23rd of January, so not long to go now.
I went to the dentist yesterday, which was a most unpleasant experience!! I've been having a lot of pain from one of my wisdom teeth, so she said the only way to stop it hurting is to take the nerve out. Unfortunately that didn't happen because the two lots of local anaesthetic she gave me did nothing except make my tongue go numb. So either I fought it or she put it in the wrong place. So spent all last evening in total agony, went out today and got myself some heavy duty painkillers. Only drawback is I'm off tomorrow and saturday night but cos they are so strong alcohol is a no no :(
They help to a point, more take the edge off as opposed to kill it altogether.
Have finally decided to sort my debts out this year, going to clear my card and my loan, pay mr A back and then start saving for the house!
Tomorrow we have people coming to lay new carpets in the hallway and the computer room, which is going to be amazing, have picked a lovely squishy carpet so it'll feel much warmer. Hope also to pick up my stitching again tomorrow as well, just going to work with fabric I already have and threads cos I'm skint lol